The blame game

When something goes wrong, students often look to external factors rather than taking an honest look in the mirror. By placing blame elsewhere and painting themselves as a victim, students are trying to spare themselves from criticism and preserve their self-esteem. Taking ownership of our shortcomings is hard for all ages! 

When your child avoids taking responsibility, rather than creating a confrontation and placing blame on the child, try to be a partner rather than an adversary. Regardless of who is “at fault” (teacher or child), the focus needs to turn to solving the problem. Start with a deep breath, then devise a plan together. For example: 

Student: “I don’t understand this! My teacher didn’t explain it well.”

Adult: “Ok, fair enough. And this stuff is hard! Where can we look to help us better understand this material? What else can we do?”

*

Student: “This 65 on the test is not my fault. My teacher put stuff on the test we haven’t learned yet.”

Adult: “That’s frustrating. How about we compose an email to your teacher together and ask if we can review what kinds of questions you missed so we can devise a better study plan next time?”

*

Student: “How was I supposed to know I had homework? My teacher didn’t post it online!”

Adult: “You’re right, but it seems like we need to devise a different way of tracking your homework since it seems your teacher isn’t always posting it for you. How can we solve this?”