When agendas clash (yours and your child’s)

Homework time can often turn into a battle of wits that leads to frustration and frayed nerves. Your agenda clashes with your child’s agenda, and tempers rise. But before sparks fly and the evening goes up in smoke, here are two strategies to cool things down and reconnect.

1. “Take a break. Hey, our kid is pretty great!” A 20-minute break works wonders. It calms heart rates, regulates emotions, opens space for humor and affection, and allows for a more productive conversation. So before it escalates, hit the pause button and regulate. You’ll likely be saving time in the long run, and you’ll be surprised how much easier it will be to re-engage when you return.
2. Try defusing the tension by owning your part. Instead of pointing fingers, take the lead and find common ground. “You’re right, I shouldn’t have yelled. I’m sorry I overreacted.” Or, “I agree. That assignment does seem pretty rough. Let’s see if we can figure it out together and just get it done.” Remove emotion from the equation and become a partner rather than an adversary by creating a team spirit that fosters understanding and cooperation.

Emotional regulation is an executive function skill that takes practice and modeling. Homework won’t always be roses, but it is possible to turn potential battles into bonding opportunities. Remember, you’re in this together, and a little empathy and collaboration go a long way.